Studies have shown that women cry more often than men. But this isn’t just a matter of biology, it’s also cultural. Boys are taught to “man up” and suppress their emotions. Sometimes, they’re rewarded for silence and punished subtly for emotional vulnerability.
But what is this doing to our men?
The Gender Cry Gap: What the Stats Say
According to research by Professor Ad Vingerhoets, a leading psychologist in the study of crying, women cry between 30 to 64 times a year, while men cry only 6 to 17 times annually.
That’s not a small difference.
While hormones like prolactin, which is higher in women, may explain part of the gap, culture plays a far more significant role. Boys are taught from a young age to associate crying with weakness. Over time, they become very good at emotional suppression that it becomes part of their identity.
Mental Health and Suicide in Men
One of the worst consequences of this cultural conditioning is reflected in suicide statistics.
In Ireland, for instance, men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women, with the highest rates among those aged 25 to 34, according to Samaritans. This pattern is similar in Nigeria, where men are going through a lot, so much so that they begin to slide into depression or anxiety but are less likely to seek help due to fear of being labeled “weak.”
Men are conditioned to not be vulnerable, to be tough and to hide their emotions but the question is: What are we doing to our men?
The Alpha Male Narrative
We’ve all heard the phrases:
“Real men don’t cry.”
“Suck it up.”
“Stop acting like a girl.”
“You’re too old to cry.”
These aren’t harmless comments; they are weapons, quietly training boys to internalize pain, shame, and fear. And over time, they create numb supermen; men who feel they cannot be vulnerable even in their most broken moments.
The Truth About Crying
Crying is not a female trait. It is a human response to emotions; whether sadness, joy, pain, or frustration. To deny men the right to cry is to deny them the right to feel, to be human.
Psychologist Dr. Virginia Eatough found that many men feel psychological discomfort when others cry, and even more so when they themselves cry. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to react with empathy and understanding. This disparity is not natural; it’s taught.
What This Emotional Suppression Really Does
When boys are raised to equate crying with weakness, they grow into men who:
– Struggle to express pain or vulnerability
– Avoid asking for help
– Suffer silently with mental health issues
– Strain their relationships due to emotional unavailability
And in the worst cases, they take their own lives, never having had a safe space to feel.
Changing the Narrative
If we want to raise healthier men, we must start by unlearning toxic ideals of masculinity. Emotional intelligence, vulnerability, and empathy are not weaknesses.
Encouraging boys to cry when they’re hurt, to speak when they’re struggling, and to feel deeply without shame is not just good parenting or good culture, it is a matter of life and death.
Being a real man isn’t suppression and hiding of emotions. Being a real man is first accepting and expressing those emotions while constructing ways to tackle or solve the problem at hand.
Real Men Cry And That’s Okay
Let’s stop raising numb supermen and start raising emotionally whole human beings. Masculinity should never cost men their mental health, relationships, or lives.
Because real men do cry and there’s nothing wrong with it. It shows that they’re humans.
